My first message to you back as the authentic version of myself.

This message may have a bunch of grammatical errors. I apologize in advance, but I was tired of trying to proofread this long ass message. Trust me I know so make it make sense and take it how it mf resonates. I wrote this out of order and placed it where I felt it needed to be placed.

It’s literally 1:11pm as I begin to write this message out to you. I truly understand now what spirit has been saying to me all this time! For all these years!! I lost my way and for that I do apologize to you all. When I first began this channel it was fun and exciting. I truly enjoyed helping other people using my gifts. My gifts grew as I used them and I became more confident in areas I was unsure of. Mediumship definitely. Still not really a favorite of mine though. The growth of my gifts and my channel were a plus and the money definitely was a plus especially because it gave me a way to provide for myself and my son. I made it without feeling tied down to the relentless rules of society. It allowed me to express my true authentic self and values. I could share my gifts with the world. It allowed me the time I needed to learn new things to bring back to you guys. FYI…This may be a lengthy message so make time to read. 💚Make sure you read all 6 changes located at the bottom of this message.💚 Before I continue this message please know I’m not asking for anyone’s opinion about how I delivered this message. I’m simply informing you on the changes I’ll be making and the things I finally see about myself and how it has delayed my progress on this channel. Also, to my true supporters I deliver to you a much needed apology. It’s up to me and only me to show up as I see fit not anyone else. Through my eyes and the eyes of God only. Just saying cause some of y’all be trippin and inserting yourself where I ain’t ask. Last thing before I continue. As you read this message if the shoe fits wear it. I am not talking to everyone but if someone I am talking about just so happens to read it and feel some type of way. I do not care. Then I guess it was you. Anywho…It’s easier for me to write this because I tend to lose track of the message when I speak it. Then I never say it all or deliver it as it should. So, a video will not suffice. I’m simply stating my peace and doing as is required of me. Cleaning up MY mess. This all took place because I allowed it to be so. 

Now let’s move on. Somewhere along this journey I lost myself because I lost sight of why I was here. I lost sight of my purpose for even being here. Why I created this channel and why I was doing so well. It not only made my soul happy, but I’ve gained some real supporters along the way. FAMILY! Although I gained supporters, I also gained some real haters. I allowed these people (haters, users) to get close to me because they came in the form of supporters/ “friends”. They possibly may have started off that way but definitely did not stay that way. Some hid their true agendas better than and longer than others. I allowed them in my head, in my space, in my energy. I allowed to lead my purpose and tell me what matters most. Tell me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it. I allowed them to create fear in me. To make me question myself when I already knew myself. I allowed them to take created for the work I put in. To make me feel small and undeserving. I made it here and they found me here. Every time I would find myself again and break free another one came. Like damn! Can y’all move around? Yet, according to them they were the reason why I made it and continued to make it. The problem was they did not know themselves and I gave into who they were versus who I was. They saw my light and I saw theirs but they wanted mine and I was busy being the light worker that I am trying to assist them with locating theirs. It started off with small issues and gradually grew bigger issues that took up all my time and attention. I was burnt out and had nothing to give to y’all or myself. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t see the greatness in themselves. They clearly saw mine. I thought I was helping. Little did I know I was helping them build my own prison. I fixed and fixed them with no changes in their lives or growth was happening for them but my world was falling apart. This would happen until I became dependent on them and attached to them because I can’t go back. The road is broken. I’m not sure how to get back or how I even got where I was to begin with. I’m not sure who I am anymore without them. Where the fuck is home? This they knew but I was so consumed in fixing what could never be fixed and I couldn’t see it. So I made due with what I had where I was. I’ll make anything great for the time being. Built a new home on their land of standards, rules and expectations. Things they desired for themselves and knew I could gain for them but didn’t want to do the work for. Yea spirit will only allow me to get comfortable before the wake up call is sounded. Now my little hut has a hole in it that I can’t fix! They enjoyed having all my light to themselves that it didn’t bother them not once that I was struggling and crying out loud for help constantly. They see the problem but you can’t tell me because it doesn’t benefit them. What did bother them was even though I may have been struggling to break free God always provided for me. Even though they wanted to break me for their own personal gain or amusement that they couldn’t cause God favored me. What they failed to realize and I too often times was their success was mine. They were becoming what I should be because I’m doing the work for them and failing to do it for myself. I can see everything that needs to be fixed, the next move they need to make. EVERYTHING! They had access to parts of me they should have never had. I gave this willingly because I wanted to help but learned time and time again that you can’t help everyone. Everyone doesn’t actually want help. If they did the advice you give would be enough to make them do whatever work is necessary themselves. I was providing a service for free that I would charge anyone else. They never minded. Meanwhile they would actually pay for the same services from someone else. Like really? I did mind though. I just didn’t know how to escape just yet. I didn’t want to be mean. They still needed me, but I really wanted to crawl up in the corner and hide. I wanted to hold myself. They would find me every time so why hide? I can’t hide. I might as well hide from my destiny and stay in the open or available for their every beck and call. There’s nowhere to run. How did I ever believe that? Who even was I? Yet, what they failed to find out about me is I thrive off of competition. So, if I keep seeing you thrive and I’m not. Then I’m going to start to wake up and examine my life. I’m going to start to question whose life is this? Why am I here? Who am I? Why are they growing and I’m not? I'm going to realize that I give you a lot and you give me crumbs. SAMPLES! My Leo’s know what I mean. You can only dim light for so long before the light inside of me wants to explode to be seen. Understand this wasn’t just one person. It was many. I kept getting caught up in a constant cycle of the same shit. Anywho…keep reading.

What I want you to do is look back at when the major shift happened. Well, if you been here that long and if you haven’t then just read up. I had the devil himself disguised as a friend on repeat. For example, those many story times I’ve shared about those past “friendships” that ended. It was still my lesson to learn, and I take full accountability for what I allowed. You still going to hear this message though. It’s time that I am honest. Not only with myself but you all. It’s scary to be vulnerable and reveal to the world that I messed up. I’m imperfect and change is difficult. I messed up but I also learned and am now able to truly heal. I allowed others to tell me how much money was good enough; I allowed the approval of others dictate how much I gave and how much I needed to make. Basically, it became all about the money when I’ve never really been an all about the money person. Even though it’s all about the money! 👀 FYI…I’m still not doing 50-50. All about the money has nothing to do with my husband/person and the life he must provide. My point is God has never let me down or left me out in the cold. Even during this period of me being absent God took care of me cause the money was not coming from this business but mind ya business! This business was on pause. I’ve always gained what I needed and desired. Yet, my focus became how much I make is based on what others deemed worthy for their life. The focus became what I can gain versus what I can give only. I conformed to other people’s standards and expectations of me. My life was not my life anymore. My goals were not my goals anymore. It was the dreams that others wanted for themselves. They knew I had the ability to do it and if I didn’t know then I had the ability to find out and do. So if they couldn’t do it for themselves then why not allow me to do it and they ride my coat tail. They’re too close now I can’t see what’s happening right in front of my face. Well I wouldn’t say that much. I could see it but I was caught up. I loved them and I knew they weren’t perfect and how much they needed. That I did it to help. I truly did but that wasn’t love on their part. To be honest, it wasn’t love on my part either. The best love I could have did for them was to support them and give guidance every now and then but let them find their way. The best love I could have did for the both of us was to walk away because obviously I was a part of their problem in failing to reach their dreams. If I would do it for free then why would you? In order to pay for something, you can’t afford you would find a job, ask for a raise etc. Right? Typically. Yet, the problem was I was doing it for free! So, things they should have been doing that would have advanced them to other places, lessons, blessings and networks they weren’t getting. There was no need. Although, I was good at jumping in and starting their dreams as a true manifestor by human design does. Nothing I did was perfected or mastered because I didn’t actually want to do it. 

Every time I would hide it was because my soul knew it wasn’t me and I didn’t like it. I’ve been hiding for sooooo long because everytime I come out of hiding there goes someone else’s expectations for me. In order for me to remain safe I’ll go back to hiding until I feel it is safe to come back out. I’ll only come out for what I feel I may need and go ghost again. I’ve told y’all I am a beast at ghosting or avoiding conflict/people. Yet, instead of truly pushing through and accepting that I cannot change or control anyone but myself. Instead of removing myself mentally or spiritually when I knew I need to. Instead of removing myself physically so I could remain me authentically and still heal. I chose to attempt and I mean attempt cause spirit would be on my ass which would bring me out hiding again. I instead chose to attempt to run away. Where the hell did I think I was going? There is only one place my soul feels at peace and that is here. At least for now until my journey actually leads me someone else. Idk when though. I didn’t know where to turn because I wasn’t directed by God to go anywhere else. Other people would attempt to direct me to be someone else, to do something else, to go somewhere else. It would work for a bit. It wasn’t the direction of spirit though it was the enemy himself. I constantly had a battle within myself because I could hear spirit but only at moments. I would come back to my table because it was familiar, but it felt foreign. I didn’t belong because the version of me that sits at my table was scattered. Plus, the people I allowed to get too close to me and influence me to take a chance in the wrong direction were still in my ear and/or my energy. My many mental breakdowns and believe me I had a lot. If you joined a live, then you’ve seen them (not a full breakdown though). I'm too private for a major one publicly. Yet, those mental breakdowns I had was my spirit fighting against the spiritual attack of others. I knew I was safe and protected but I was struggling to let myself come back out of the shadows and feel safe again. I always know I’m protected. My protection work is on point. Even with the enemy nearby. I’m going to get that lesson though a land there is no escaping it even as a light worker. I didn’t trust anyone and that right there sums up the problem. I’ve been hurt so many times when I was only being my genuine self. Hurt by those I trusted or at least thought I could. How could I trust strangers and call them family when every time I let a stranger in and call them “friend” that betray me? They would come with the fake message that “God sent them”. Yea just know if y’all ever say that to me I’m out. I’ve always believed and strongly do now that if God wanted me to know the message, he would have told me himself. Meaning I know who God sent because I know what I asked for. I know the message God has for me because I know what I prayed for!

My discernment was never off. I’ve remained authentic but I also put on the mask of once again other people's standards and expectations for me. I have everything I could want right now. I’m comfortable not complacent and have always been. The issue is that others haven’t been comfortable with what they have, who they were, where they were and where they were going. Since they were not then I couldn’t be also. Which made me shift a bit. It was only a tiny shift each time, but too many shifts and I became someone I don’t even know and someone you can’t even recognize. For example, keep saying to the cashier to keep the penny because it doesn’t matter. Eventually, that will become a thousand dollars you let slip out your hands. No matter how small of a shift you make in the wrong direction. Eventually, you’ll create a whole life on that path living a lie. I’d show up but every time I would show up it would be me but still wearing the mask because how the hell do you take this shit off anyway?! Well, I’m taking it off now. Realizing once again who I am and what makes me happy. You see I don’t like to have the same thing every day. Every day the thing that made me happy yesterday won’t make me happy ever again or quite some time and that’s ok! Sometimes warring the same shoes with a hole in on make me happy. Wearing the same jacket or sweater over and over again makes me happy. I mean how many times have you guys seen that same Florida Gator sweater? Lol. I had a pink jacket that I wore each year and everyday throughout elementary and middle school. At least until my mom said I could wear it anymore going in to high school. My poor heart. (not too much on my mamas, actually nothing at all). I’m simple and sometimes extravagant. I’m never the same. I love it. It’s what makes me different. So doing the same readings is boring. I used to change it up all the time and I stopped. You want to know why. Reread what you just read. I already said it and I’m moving on again. 

Like y’all it really made me question my whole existence. Losing myself often and finding myself may have been the best thing to happen to me constantly on my journey. It made me question the type of car I have. Did I even want that? Then I said to myself I did. That was me. The Mercedes was not me. Which is why I don’t have it. My first car was what someone else wanted for me. It’s gone. My second car is what someone else wanted for me and it’s gone. My car now is exactly what I asked for and we’re still standing strong. It made me question the apartment I have now. Did I want this. Then I said to myself yes. This is exactly what’s I wanted. The first apartment I had up until this point. I never wanted them. So much drama circulated around those places. The one I have now I chose by myself. It brings me so much peace. Moving to TX was that my dream or someone else? Looking back, it wasn’t mine, but I built my hut until the hole appeared again. 

I chose VA the first time I moved here because I had the option to stay in FL. Then I chose it again not for anyone else. I just needed to see that I chose it for myself this go round. It’s boring and peaceful and I’d rather vacation near the noise and leave when it becomes too much. I needed to relook over my entire life to see if what I have/had gained is something that I actually wanted. If so, then I need to continue to sit in the spirit of gratitude that I have them. Now let’s include the channel. I started out how I wanted. Don’t come for me with the cursing because that is just me…AUTHENTICALLY! Yet I do want to attempt to cut back. I’ll do that on my own timing though. Anywho…

I kept reaching for people to feel a void that I felt I had in me. It was an empty void though and I can’t fit or have space for something that isn’t empty. It was a space I had filled with love already, but I couldn’t recognize it anymore. I couldn’t recognize the feeling of love, the look of love, etc. This part is for Anthony and Anthony alone…guess this is what you meant by my heart chakra…smh. Anywho… back to the message. I didn’t need anyone to help me find myself because I was already present. The life I wanted and the things I wanted in it was already mine. They are already mine! What I did need was to take charge over me and my life. To excuse myself from the things or people that did not fit. At least allow me time to see if they are meant to fit. There will never be any space for anyone to fit in me. You can walk by me but never within me. So, the mask can only attach itself to me for so long and then it would crumble and believe me it has crumbled. I have one mission and that’s my soul's mission. I can’t take on everyone else’s mission. I’m only here to give you the messages that your spirit team keeps trying to give you or perform the rituals etc. Nothing more. So, if I can’t give you the guidance because it doesn’t fit my mission then you’d have to go seek that elsewhere. If I can’t be the person you need. Then you’ll have to go seek that elsewhere. Yet, the truth is you’ll never find it elsewhere because the answer that you seek is you! Why don’t I have love? It’s because of you. You won’t allow yourself to love you. Why don’t I have enough money? It’s because of you! You won’t allow yourself to have that amount of money. Which can circle back to you not loving you and feeling deserving of loving you. 

I didn’t want to keep showing up with a mask on. Yet, I was struggling to figure out how to take it off. I knew how to though. Every time. Eliminate the distractions but like clockwork. I’d come out and let another in or hide because I didn’t feel strong enough not to let another in. I didn’t know how to keep the damn thing off and away from me. I didn’t realize how my energy could possibly be attracting this. 

Hide and seek use to be one of my favorite games. I’d end up right where you could find me because it was never about hiding. It was always I just wanted a moment to do what I wanted to do while everyone else was doing something else. The focus wasn’t on me. Yes, find me first. I’m watching tv or talking to the trees, etc. For a moment while everyone else is hiding playing the game. I get a chance to think, to breathe to be authentic. So let the seeker find me first because I never wanted to hide. As people were found and the gatherings happened I then wanted to hide. Here comes the expectations and rules that I didn’t play fair or now I have to be the one to seek cause I was found first or let’s play this game. I don’t want to do any such thing. I don’t want to do anything. Yet, I was told well I have to do something. Honestly, I was doing something. I was doing nothing and that made me happy. I was doing what I chose to do. Often times we look for people, places or things to make us happy. Happiness truly comes from our own existence. From our own vibration. When we feel connected to the earth, to nature, to the universe (same thing). Which is why most people end up meditating or why spirit can reach you better in silence when you’re sleeping. Reason why spirit won’t direct me to the outside world as often as I think I would like. At least not until I can stop falling prey lol. I’m ok with that though. When I first started this channel I didn’t go out really at all. I loved being home in my own energy. The standards of others seeing me as boring made me step out. Stepping outside forces me to over indulge in alcohol which distracted me from my mission. I didn’t want to be there and became so familiar with it that I couldn’t find my way back home. Alcohol helped relieve the anxiety that I didn’t belong until it became a normal crutch. Home seemed like a foreign land. Like I didn’t belong. I don’t know how to walk anymore. I didn’t know how to talk anymore. So I constantly kept getting caught up in distractions and eliminating them because it did not feel right. I was searching and searching for what I would connect to. Instead of seeing that when I stand still I always return back to the same place, back to the same thing. Here! Right here! Y’all are my family that kept calling me home.😭 Everytime I tried to run I could feel you pulling on my energy but I wasn’t ready. Everytime I vanished you guys would come seek me out and yes I would get annoyed because I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to face you yet because I had yet to face myself and forgive myself for losing sight of the mission. Forgive myself for having to start over once again. It’s damn near embarrassing. Not to you but to me. I’m embarrassed by myself cause once again here we are AGAIN! I was too busy beating myself up for what I deemed to be a failure. Another mistake? Whelp, I better keep on hiding or looking for another home where I could pretend to be someone else. TikTok is another home that I feel like an alien on. Yes, I could grow and did start growing very quickly. But it was not home, and I didn’t feel called to it and I knew my type of messages would never be heard how they were meant to be heard there. 

The type of love you guys have shown me over the years has been more than I can ask. That type of love and support cannot be bought, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Thank you for loving me as I am and during my struggles. I know you were going through your own issues. Yet, you took even just a second to check in with me and stick around. You are part of what kept me here and returning back home until I was ready to face myself and come back permanently. 

I discovered I don’t like it out there. Yea I know my mission is bigger than this platform but I’m not done here. The reason why my readings started to sound the same was because I was stuck in the same part of my journey. The reason why your readings sound the same and you get the same messages is because you are stuck on that part of your journey. We have to accept that we want more and let ourselves have the authentic version of what we truly do want. It will always work in your favor. We have to let go of the things we don’t want and don’t be afraid to walk away. Trust me I’ve learned severely at this point that where you belong and those who actually want you around will find you no matter where you go. Do not confuse this with a narcissist!!!!! Use your discernment and be careful what you pray for. If you pray for better discernment then what do you think spirit gonna give you? You gotta learn one way or another. Anywho…things have not changed within you so the messages are the same, your relationships (single, situationship, marriage) are all the same. How can God give you a new message meant for you if you haven’t listened to what your soul actually wants? How can God give you the love you want if you keep accepting the love you don’t want? Accepting what you do not want shows that you aren’t ready. You’re asking for the new but the new is already yours. It can manifest in your reality because it already exists. Problem has been that you weren’t ready to accept it as yours. People get hurt because they have a lesson to learn. When you hurt others and I’m not talking physically. When you hurt others understand you did not hurt them. They hurt themselves and vice versa. It’s the expectations we place on others to give us what we refuse to give to ourselves. Instead of accepting that the job will not pay you more you stay and beg. Out of alignment! So your readings constantly say money is coming or shows a lack of money. Instead of accepting the fact that that person is unwilling to give you the love you’re giving to yourself or know you deserve. You choose to stay and complain and look for answers outside yourself on how you could change them. Change them? That will never happen but what you can do is listen to the guidance of the same message you’ve been receiving for who knows how long. The one that says your person is close by or focus on you. Meaning it’s time to dip because staying in a foreign land blocks you from who spirit is talking about. It messes up your vibration of love you’re sending out into the world. Example: I keep getting married or taken people. You keep getting them because your vibration is stuck in a relationship that you don’t want to be in while calling out for love. That relationship could be with someone else or just yourself. Do you love yourself? Well, if you did, you’d start to manifest the single folks that desire to commit. I know I started this message off telling y’all about me but I’m finding me and writing this message I was also guided to deliver some messages for others. I’m back y’all but I’m making some changes. 

I want to remain transparent. I feel I’ve always been. Yet, I was having an identity crisis because of the interference of others. I blame no one but myself but I’m seeing the real them allowed me to see the real me. They are part of my story, and I have no story without the mention of them. I forgive them because they were simply finding their way and I’m glad I was able to give something they needed to them. I also and most importantly forgive myself for not having my back. Not being protective enough over my peace and happiness. I forgive myself for losing sight of the mission. I’m not afraid and have never been afraid to take a risk, a chance to do what I’ve always wanted. I won’t continue that anymore. Take me as I am or move around but I will not budge anymore unless it is Gods will. I’m tired of taking a spiritual beating, are you? 

I heard spirit say to me…Welcome back. We knew you would return when you were ready. In my mind it was more by force, but I digress. 

Now with that being said. Please don’t think I’m not charging in any way for my services. It’s just all things will not be. For instance, my readings on YouTube. Can’t do anything about the commercials. I mean I do have a business to run and a living to make. Everything isn’t free just like you don’t work for free. This I my mission in life and God won’t let me leave it no matter how much I try to run in hide. So, I have to make a living also. 

6 changes to look forward to:

1. Join me and become a Bestie through membership on the main channel BlahSheenia69 Tarot. I’ll be teaching Human Design and relocation astrology/Astrocatography and how to read your birth chart. Pick my brain as I consume the information for you. Join for $19.99 a month. There is only one tier as of now. So, gain all the knowledge you can gain before I create another tier which will happen in the future. The future tier will have a higher price and if you choose to join later the lives I do now and information I provide to you now will no longer be available. I will let you know the different days and times I will be doing each one on the Official Bestie side. Once I get my first Official Bestie I will make a post. If it’s not immediate then I wasn’t properly notified by YouTube that I had members. I’ll see it eventually.

1. My Q&A will be $10 per question but I will not always have Q&A. You can join me today 2/9/2025 at 8pm. Don’t have me waiting thinking I’ll be back tomorrow because I won’t be. I will stay as long as I am needed but when spirit tells me to go I will leave. I’ll do better at informing you ahead of time when I will be live. I’m not going back to every Friday. I don’t know as of now when the next one will be. Check the community posts on this YouTube to stay updated. 

1. I will not be doing anymore personal readings without a 6 month subscription. So if you did not join in January then the next availability will open the beginning of June and you will have 3 days to sign up. Sign up will officially open June 1st at midnight and close 11:59pm EST on June 3, 2025.

1. Let’s prepare for the 4th annual Taurus New Moon Ritual! I’m excited for this one. 3 rituals for one price. It will open for sign up at 7:30pm EST TODAY! Only on my website. $55 for love, money and protection rituals. I put it out there so it’s now up to you to seize the moment. I will have it discounted for the next 3 days (good things come in 3’s). Last day for the sale price will be 2/13/2025. Today is almost over. Price will increase to $88.88 after. Nonnegotiable. The first 3 people to sign up will receive something of their choice. As long as it’s reasonable for me to do though. I’ll let the winners know personally through email. Please make sure when you sign up your email is on my website as well.

Blahsheenia69.com look under the group rituals tab to sign up.

1. I will not be doing rituals as often as I use to unless you are already on a 6-month subscription. Next openings will open up the first week of June and you will have 3 days to sign up. Sign up will officially open June 1st at midnight and close 11:59pm EST on June 3, 2025. I will be doing a personal ritual for you that you choose at the beginning of each month, a new moon and full moon ritual and an extra one as well. Spirit chooses this one. If you would like to join the subscription it is $350 to join now and you will also have 3 days to email me or write me from the website that you wish to join the remainder of the months left in this subscription service.

Blahsheenia69@yahoo.com

1. Readings on the main channel: We will resume in the way that best suits me and what I’m able to provide. I have to be cautious of getting too caught up in delivering the messages or how you receive them, so I don’t go back to hiding. So, I may not really read your comments as often, but I appreciate them a lot. Emphasis on liking the videos or commenting will not be my focus. People showing up will not be my focus. I need to stay focused on recognizing those who are present and remembering that those who need it will eventually see it. That’s not my call and out of my control. I’m near to deliver the message as told to me. How you receive it or is up to you. 

*Readings on all other channels: I will make my way back there but even with those channels it was more about me hiding and growing quickly. Give me a minute to figure out how I can best be of service there. I’ll return because it’s also home. 💚

The things I will be changing. You won’t have complete access to me anymore. I’m too sensitive to people energies, wants and needs. I’ll get caught up and distracted trying to fix one that I forget about me and the many others I need to help. The extra knowledge and gifts that I have need be earned and not just given. Not saying you have to put on a show for me to deem you worthy. I couldn’t never tell you that you aren’t worthy because you always are. What I mean is I need to charge my worth and everyone simply can’t have access to all of me. So, if it costs, please understand that I know everyone can’t afford it but it’s the part of me that I can’t share with everyone. We make time or give financially for the things we value. Show me you value what I have to offer by simply paying the cost for the rest. My general readings will remain free publicity. When or if I ever open personals, I will not have many slots available, and it will not be something that I offer often. Remember that. I need to still protect my peace and although I love repeat customers. I often get too close with the enemy himself by having too many clients that I can’t tell who is who. I want to know the energy I’m working with and the energy you’re working with. This way I stay protected.

If you made it to the end. Know that I appreciate you! New and old Besties alike. I just needed a moment that I couldn’t figure out how to let myself have. 3:33 and I just finished this lol. Now imagine had I attempted to say this through a video or live. Smh. 

Love y’all! 💚